The Interim

Story is the path back home. It lights the way.

- Alexandra A. Chan, In the Garden Behind the Moon

The last essay relevant to my memoir, Awakening, was “Falling Farther In”, posted about a month ago. In the interim, I’ve been thinking about structure and weaving the various stories into the whole, and which are important stories, which are extraneous. And the most important question: what is the point of this writing? What difference will it make? My sister’s story is obvious. Her recovery was literally a miracle. A miracle of Love and unfaltering trust, and lots and lots of hard work. MaryJeans’s story demonstrates that Magic is Real! And I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told over the years, “You HAVE to write a book about this!”

Yet, when it comes to my stories, some of which were published in this Substack before I decided to write a memoir*, I have questions. Certainly I have done some interesting things, worked with some amazingly brilliant and aware people, and don’t doubt that my work mattered, at least at the time. But the past is the past and all bets are off. Always, my intention for my work was to awaken people to the fact that Earth is alive, to help people fall in love with Earth like we love our family, friends, children. Because when we fall in love with Earth, our hearts will guide us. This message is still strong in me. And so very much needed. That much, at least, has not changed.

More than ever, people want tangibles. I know I do. A part of me wants to know, exactly, what we can do right now to stop the madness and return humanity to our place within the web of life, rather than the destroyer of it. I want to know how to reach the complacent ones, those with enough money (at the moment anyway) to keep afloat, those who refuse to admit that perhaps the future they are ceaselessly working for may no longer be possible. Those raising their children to believe that as long as they work hard enough, do well in school, have decent college funds or score scholarships, the sky’s the limit. In other words, those who have not yet wrapped their minds and hearts around the fact that we are entering a new timeline, and expectations and long-term plans created in the past are no longer relevant or even possible.

We are in the time of the prophecies, living through collapse. Collapse of ecosystems, collapse of climate patterns, and collapse of western civilization. All at once. The prophecies do not (in my opinion) predict the future with certainty. I see them as predictions based on the energies present at the time they were made. At any point, a shift can occur that will alter the trajectory and move us to a different timeline. So the future depends on what we do in this very moment. And the next. And the next. Knowing that every action has an energetic vibration associated with it, a frequency, and when we come together, consciously, these vibrations can literally “change the world”. We are seeing how discordant frequencies are impacting the world right now. We can feel them within our bodies, in our emotional centers, in our spirits. It’s a struggle, at least for me, to not give in to the fear and anxiety. And yes, I know I’ve written those words before - and often. And I also know I am not alone.

Yet I also know how it feels to NOT give in to the fear and anxiety. To breathe in the present moment because in truth it’s all we have. It’s amazing how quickly my energy shifts when I move my focus from the constant “bad news” I may be reading or thinking about, to observing the beauty right out my sliding glass door: Pots of thriving flowers and herbs, the myriad species of birds at the feeders, hummers at the their feeder, squirrels and chipmunks sipping from bird baths or searching for dropped sunflower seeds on the soil of the planters. And under the balcony, the solitary hen turkey who has decided I’m a friend, and one day a bald eagle visited the yard and spent a good 15 minutes digging up and finally eating a large frog! What I focus on is my choice in every moment. Focusing on life and beauty feels healthier in every way.

As strange as it seems, the fact that all systems are collapsing at once feels like destiny in a way. Not a mistake. I sense energies, forces, deeper meanings, underlying this current moment, and that what we see on the surface - the chaos, the cruelty, the destruction - is the dominators’ last “hurrah”. That the destroyers know if they don’t take it all now, they will not have another chance. Of course that is no consolation to those whose lives have been upended, who have been grabbed and deported, or who have lost their jobs or who will lose medical care and even food. It is no consolation as we lose more species to extinction, and more of Earth’s life and beauty to the machines bent on destruction. The sooner this all ends, the better.

To think that anything I write could have an impact on even a tiny fraction of this is hubris. But maybe one of my stories will touch something in you that needs to be touched? A memory perhaps of your relationship with Earth, the comfort the relationship brings, and how invigorating the life force of Earth is when we allow that connection to flourish within us? Or perhaps a time when you felt on top of the world, and anything was possible, everything and everyone glowing with life and magic? Or maybe, I just need to remember such times myself, so I’m writing them for you.

In addition to the daily distractions of the political chaos, and my need to put words around it all, my stories need to gestate without interference from my logical mind. I’m grateful for the inspiration for Lilith, my newest Anointing Oil, currently aging while labels and cards are being printed. And another Anointing Oil is in the wings, in honor of the Guardian Trees. The messenger for this inspiration was White Pine. And I sense that Daddy wants to have input into it too, which is strange but I’ll go with it.

I have an image in my mind of Awakening as a tapestry. No timeline, no “logical” structure, just a flow. Looking back, that’s how my life appears. Stories are, in a way, universal. The details are different, but sometimes the lessons, the paths taken, the gifts . . . we all have those experiences. The key is the meaning we give them, how they impact our choices, our actions, our daily lives.

Good stories . . . rightsize our pain and make us less unique in our brokenness, a brokenness that only serves to keep us isolated and alone. The (lifetime) work of cultivating our personal stories and mythology is what reintegrates our shattered parts and gives meaning and purpose to our path and our pain.

- Alexandra A. Chan, In the Garden Behind the Moon

If i had disregarded the messages from the trees, if I hadn’t trusted my grandmother’s teachings about Love, if I had followed the conventional path and not honored my childhood dreams and my purpose, if I had been “a good girl” as it was defined for my generation . . . my story would be different. Yet Earth, our culture, our politics, would still be what they are. So because of my choices, here I am, attempting to weave words around energy in ways that make sense to at least a few people who hopefully will then do the same. The stories we tell - in writing or videos or around the campfire or as bedtime stories - have the potential to shift energy, expand awareness, and make an actual difference. I don’t know how this works, I only know, deep down, that it does.

Seen on a walk around Jordan Pond, Bar Harbor, ME. I wonder what the story is!

To give birth to a new cosmological story requires a profound creativity. Everything in Western civilization must be put on the table for discussion and reevaluation.

- Thomas Berry, quoted by Brian Swimme in Cosmogenesis

* The stories I refer to here are the two essays with that begin with “Signs Along the Way”, and the two “More than Human Voices” essays.